So Close, Yet So Far
by GirlyGeek
Summary: Varric and Hawke have a heart to heart conversation. One-shot. Rated M for sexual content.


Hello all :) For those of you who are regular readers of mine, I have once again fallen prey to my muse and written another DA2 one-shot. I'll be back to working on my current BMFM soon...I swear!

Anywho, for you fans of the game who are like me and wish that Varric was a potential love interest for Hawke, this story is for you. Seriously...how does Bioware go and create someone as smooth and sexy as Varric and then NOT make him romanceable? Yes, he's loyal to Bianca, but there were times throughout the game where I got a feeling that his feelings for Hawke were a little deeper than just friendship, and _that_ was the motivation for this little story which takes place at some point after that fateful night between Hawke and Fenris.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing pertaining to the awesomeness that is the Dragon Age franchise...although as soon as Fenris comes up for sale, I am **_SO_** going to be all over that!

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><p><em>"Oh, Varric…you're so big…so much bigger than Fenris…"<em>

Those words had been music to the dwarf's ears when they had been spoken minutes ago after he and Hawke had undressed each other, and even now they replayed through Varric's mind. However, even they were nothing compared to the beauty of what dominated his vision at that moment. Seated at the edge of his bed in his rooms of The Hanged Man, Varric groaned deeply in his throat as he gazed down at Hawke who was kneeling between his legs in all her naked glory with her soft, full lips wrapped around his throbbing, painfully engorged length. Her mouth was so warm, and her tongue was like velvet against Varric's aching member…

And she was finally _his_!

No more watching from the shadows as he had all the while Hawke and Fenris had danced around their attraction for each other. Fenris was no longer in the picture, and that meant that there was nothing to hold Varric back when Hawke came to him that night.

"Forget that blighted elf, Minerva," Varric growled softly while running his strong, stout and yet surprisingly nimble fingers through Hawke's auburn hair in a lover's caress before gently gripping it. "He was a sodding idiot to have left you." He let his head fall back with a groan when Hawke's teeth ever so lightly grazed over his throbbing length and it was all he could do to keep his hips from bucking so as _not_ to thrust into his lover's mouth. "Hawke…Minerva…don't tease me anymore," he murmured feverishly as he gently tugged on Hawke's hair in indication for her to stop. "I _need_ to be inside of you."

Slowly sliding Varric's hardness out of her mouth, Hawke smiled up at the dwarf while languidly running her fingers through the blond hair that covered his chest. "And I need you inside of me," she murmured in reply while standing before shifting so she was straddling Varric's lap—keeping the vulnerable juncture between her legs just out of reach. "I've wanted this for so long…"

The feel of the heat emanating from Hawke's womanly core and wafting over Varric's aching hardness was beyond maddening, and the dwarf could not stop his hands from gripping his lover's shapely hips and pulling her gently down—penetrating her inch by inch until he was fully encased in her wet sheathe. Hawke was so tight around him, and Varric could feel her body stretch to accommodate him. "Maker…Andraste…Ancestors…whatever!" Varric groaned while wrapping his strong, thick arms tightly around Hawke's narrow waist as he rested his head against her full breasts and simply relished in the feel of his beloved and their intimately connected bodies. "Minerva, you feel _so_ good."

Hawke moaned softly and leaned her head against her dwarvin lover's—her long fingers undoing the tie that held Varric's blond hair tied away from his face. "Maker…so do you, Varric," she murmured into her lover's ear while gently tangling her fingers into his hair and slowly rocking her hips. "By Andraste…oh, how I've waited so long for this, Varric…"

"Ancestors…so have I, my love…" Keeping one arm firmly around Hawke's waist in order to keep her hips securely fastened to him as he began thrusting into her with slow, deep strokes, Varric moved his other hand up to his lover's shoulder in order to gently lean her back just enough to allow him to slowly trace his tongue around her pert, right nipple before suckling it into his mouth. The sound of Hawke's excited whimpers as she lovingly cradled his head to her breast were as intoxicating as the feel of her soft skin against his, and they only added to the headiness of the growing passion of their lovemaking.

Varric left Hawke's nipple only to kiss his way up the valley between her perfect breasts before gently nibbling his way over her graceful collar bone. He quickened the pace of his thrusts a little and was rewarded with Hawke arching her back as she began digging her nails into his broad shoulders. He groaned deep in his throat and his head fell back when he felt his lover's inner walls tighten and clench around him, but it was not until he felt Hawke nibble a trail up his throat that both of his powerful hands gripped her enticing hips possessively as he began driving into her with hard and fast thrusts.

Hawke's moans and whimpers were sweeter than any melody Varric had ever heard, and the low soprano of her voice merged with the baritone of Varric's grunts and groans to create a unique harmony of pleasure that only continued to grow into a crescendo. Hawke's lips found his and moments later their tongues danced a frantic tango as they themselves continued to cling to each other before they were forced to break the kiss in order to throw their heads back as their cries of release were ripped from their throats. Varric shuddered hard as he all but exploded and spilled his seed deep inside of Hawke's womb.

Now she truly _was_ his.

For several moments, all Varric could do was hold Hawke close—his arms tight around her as his head rested upon her soft, ample breasts. Then, he rested his head against his lover's as she rested her own upon his shoulder. He tenderly nuzzled her ear as she nuzzled his pulse, and Varric could feel both of their hearts beating as one. He was still inside of her, and he had no intention of moving any time soon.

"What happens now?" Hawke asked in a soft whisper.

Varric smiled and kissed Hawke's temple as he smoothed her silken hair. "Now, I spend the rest of my life worshiping you and treating you like the queen that you are."

Hawke smiled against Varric's neck. "Do you think that maybe a brood of dwarven-human hybrids are in our future?"

"There sodding better be," Varric answered with a soft grin as he imagined Hawke round and heavy with his child. "The Tethras line can't end with me…but I don't know if your magic will be passed onto them," he admitted softly. "Dwarves are inherently immune to magic, but who's to say that your human blood wouldn't change that?"

Hawke lifted her head and smiled at Varric while cupping his face. "I love you, Varric," she murmured softly before kissing him. "And I'm willing to have as many of your babies as it takes in order to test that theory.

Varric closed his eyes and smiled while kissing his lover back. "And I love _you_, Minerva. You're everything to me."

Hawke smiled. "Oh, Varric…" Kiss. "Varric…" Kiss. "Varric? Varric? Var-ric? Are you in here?"

Varric's eyes snapped open, and that was when he realized that he was seated naked on the edge of his bed with his seed-covered hand still gripping his manhood.

It had all been a dream.

"Shit!" Varric hissed before wiping his hand on the underside of the quilt. "Just a minute," he called as he sprang off the bed and hurriedly pulled on his trousers and haphazardly fastened them up on the way to the door—not even bothering to don his tunic or boots. "Yes?" he asked in a flustered tone as he pulled open the door only to blink in surprise to find Hawke standing on the other side. "Min…Hawke…" He was instantly flooded with warmth from the memories of what he had fantasized. "Wha…what brings you to my door?" he asked—hoping he sounded more smooth than how he felt at that moment.

"I'm sorry…did I disturb you?" Hawke asked softly while lightly biting her bottom lip—suddenly feeling uncertain about her decision to drop in for a visit.

"Nah, it's okay," Varric said as he casually leaned against the doorframe. "I was just…napping." _Yeah, that's it…napping._

"Oh…well, I didn't mean to bother you," Hawke said as she shuffled her feet just a little. "I can go if you want."

"Now why would I want _that_?" Varric asked with a grin as he took a step back and motioned for Hawke to enter. "Come on in." He closed the door behind the mage and followed her to the fireplace. "So, what's on your mind?" he asked as he moved to the low, stone chair at the head of the large dining table and sat down while Hawke stood by the hearth. He thought it best for the moment to not be too close to the woman who so haunted his dreams—especially now with the fire glowing behind her…bringing out the golden highlights in her dark, red hair…

Maker, she was beautiful!

"Nothing," Hawke began. "I just…it's just I…oh, sod it," she said with a groan of frustration while running her hands through her hair.

Varric could not help but chuckle just a little. He always thought Hawke was adorable when she became flustered. It showed another side of her as opposed to the brave smart-ass that was always at the helm. "Doesn't sound like nothing to me," he said with a small smile. "Come on…tell me."

Hawke shook her head. "No, you'll laugh…you'll think it's stupid."

"No I won't," Varric answered firmly. "We've been through a _lot _together…you should know by now that you can tell me anything. Now come on…talk to me."

Hawke sighed softly. "It's just…I was sitting in my room in the big house that I fought tooth and nail for so that my family could live comfortably…and I have no family to share it _with_. My father…Bethany and mother…they're all dead, and Carver's off somewhere with the Grey Wardens and I have no way of knowing where he is or if I'll ever see him again." She sighed and hung her head. "And then there's Fenris…who avoids me whenever necessary except for when I need his help." She chewed her bottom lip. "I just…"

"What?" Varric asked softly.

"I just…" A tear rolled down Hawke's cheek as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Oh, Varric…I just feel so _alone_."

At the sight of Hawke looking so very forlorn and lost, Varric felt as though his heart were trapped in a vice—especially when he saw her bottom lip begin trembling. "Hey…" he said gently while standing and taking one of the lovely mage's hands in his own. He led Hawke to the foot of the bed and sat down. "Hey…come here…" he said as he gently pulled the mage down beside him, and he instinctively slid an arm around her shoulders which instantly rewarded him with Hawke turning to nestle into him as she let her head fall onto his shoulder. "You're not alone," Varric murmured softly into the mage's ear as he now wrapped both arms around her as she wept into his shoulder.

"Can I tell you something?" Hawke asked softly.

"You can tell me anything," Varric answered.

"Fenris was my first."

Varric blinked in surprise. "Are you _serious_?"

Hawke nodded silently.

"Shit, Hawke…no wonder you were so depressed when he bailed on you." Varric could not help but feel a surge of rage towards the elf. "Still though, I gotta ask…_how_ is that even possible?"

"What do you mean?"

Varric sighed softly. "Hawke…you're _beautiful_. Any man could consider himself lucky to have you in his bed, so I repeat my question…how is that even possible?"

Hawke smiled ruefully. "I'm an apostate mage, Varric."

"So? Even apostates have fun."

"Not when they're put in charge of their families upon their father's deathbed," Hawke answered. "I could never see myself making love to anyone if I couldn't trust them with my secret, and I never met anyone I could trust with something so weighty. I thought Fenris would be the one…after all, he knew what I was, and he still fought by my side." She chewed her bottom lip. "How could I have been so wrong?"

Varric simply sighed and continued to hold the lovely mage close—rather liking how she felt in his arms.

"He never knew though," Hawke continued. "I never told him."

"Why not?" Varric asked with genuine curiosity.

"Because he was nervous enough about it being _his_ first time," Hawke answered softly. "I didn't want to add to it." She sighed between her sniffles. "Maybe I _should've_ told him…"

"Forget about Fenris," Varric said firmly despite knowing that it was a lost cause. He could see just by looking into Hawke's eyes that she was still completely in love with the brooding elf. "You've got other people who care about you…Anders, Aveline, Merrill…even Isabella in her own way. You've also got _me_…" Varric could not stop himself from lightly nuzzling that soft, auburn hair. _How can one person smell so good? _"I'm right here."

Hawke sniffled. "I can't imagine _why_ you or any of the others are still here…why you would choose to continue following such a failure."

"Failure? Now where would you get an idea like that? Who's been calling you that? Point me in their direction, and I'll sic Bianca on 'em."

"No one has been saying it…it's just something that I know about myself," Hawke said sadly.

"How can you say that?" Varric asked in disbelief.

"Because it's true…I fail _everyone_," Hawke answered. "I failed my father…I promised him on his deathbed that I would keep my family safe…that I would protect them." She buried her face in Varric's neck and sobbed—all of the pain and anguish that she had kept buried inside of her over the years finally coming to a full boil and spilling out. "And just look at what a bang-up job I did," she said bitterly.

"You did everything that was humanly possible," Varric said firmly as he continued holding Hawke close. "Shit…even dwarvenly possible. You played the shitty cards that you were dealt to the best of your ability."

"But it still wasn't enough," Hawke said while sobbing. "I could've stopped Bethany from charging that blighted ogre, but I wasn't fast enough…just like I wasn't fast enough to save mother."

"You saved Carver," Varric pointed out with a smile. "You got him to the Grey Wardens before the Blight could overtake him. _That's_ something."

"But if I hadn't taken him on the sodding Deep Roads expedition in the first place, then I wouldn't have had to hand him over to the Grey Wardens," Hawke countered. "If I had just left him behind with mother…who knows? He could've married some nobleman's daughter by now…or least be betrothed to one…and perhaps mother would've been spared her fate. But no…I had to take him with me, didn't I? And for what? My never ending and futile quest to make him hate me _less_?"

Varric sighed softly. "He never hated you, Minerva," he said as he gently stroked Hawke's hair.

"He could've fooled me," Hawke replied sadly though with an underlying bitterness. "I only ever wanted what was best for him, and he snapped and snarled at me at every turn…even when I handed him over to the Grey Wardens as his only chance of survival, he was _still_ angry at me. I was damned if I did and damned if I _didn't_."

"Trust me…he _didn't_ hate you," Varric soothed before sighing softly. "He was just a young man trying to step into his father's shoes to be the man of the house…but he was also the youngest, and it was a real blow to his pride when that honorable mantle fell to your shoulders simply because you were the eldest."

"You think I _wanted_ the responsibility?" Hawke asked incredulously. "I had enough on my mind with avoiding capture by the Templars." She sighed and wiped her eyes. "But the fact of the matter was that Carver was rash and hardly thought things through. He wasn't ready to take Father's place, so I shouldered the responsibility. Of course in retrospect, maybe the family _would've _been better off with Carver in charge," she said bitterly.

"Now you listen to me," Varric said firmly as he pushed Hawke away just enough so he could tilt her face up to his. "You did _everything_ you could. Do you know how many families didn't even make it out of Ferelden? You did the best you could under the circumstances and your mother and Carver knew that. Yes…losing Bethany was a tragedy, but if it hadn't been for _you_, they _all_ would've died in the Blight…your mother, Carver…Aveline…it was _you_ who got them through it all." He looked deeply into Hawke's eyes. "And don't even think for a moment that I don't know that it was _you_ who bore the brunt of that year of servitude that uncle sold you and Carver into."

A ghost of a smile played over Hawke's face, but it was gone just as soon as it had appeared. "But that doesn't change the fact that they're all gone," she said softly. "They left me…all of them. Father, mother, Bethany, Carver…and now Fenris." She sighed. "It's only a matter of time before the others leave me as well…_everyone_ leaves me."

Varric lightly rested his forehead against Hawke's. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Only some powerful act of the Maker would force me to leave your side, and even _then_ I'd try to find a loophole."

Hawke smiled softly. "Thank you, Varric…you're always so sweet to me."

"What can I say?" Varric asked with a grin and a small shrug. "I've got a soft spot for leggy redheads." His grin widened when Hawke laughed. "There we go…that's what I wanted to hear. "But I meant what I said, Minerva," he said seriously. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you…whatever you need…a pint, a story, a shoulder…a night of unbridled passion." He added the last part with a playful smirk in the hopes that it masked the huskiness of his voice—wanting to gauge Hawke's reaction before he either pursued the subject further or simply left it alone.

It worked.

Hawke's chuckled gradually turned into a playful giggle. "Why, Varric…what would Bianca say? I would hate for her to be…_cross _with me," she said with a small, cheeky grin.

Varric was silent as he simply stared at Hawke for several moments before snorting and laughing. "Oh, that was painful," he said with a small shake of his head.

"Maybe so, but you're still laughing," Hawke said while giving her dwarven friend a playful shove before pulling away and letting herself fall backwards onto the mattress. She sighed softly and a small smile played on her lips as she gazed up at the aged, wooden ceiling. "Thank you, Varric."

"What for?" Varric asked as he gazed down at Hawke and fought the urge he had to slowly run his hands over her body and trace its womanly curves.

"For being _you_," Hawke answered with a growing smile as she turned her face so she was gazing into Varric's eyes. "I love you, Varric." She placed a hand over the closest one of the dwarf's. "You truly are my dearest and most treasured friend in this entire world…I would really be lost without you."

Varric sighed softly and closed his eyes for several moments.

Friend.

That was _all_ Hawke would ever see him as. But could he really blame her? After all, he had made it known time and time again that Bianca—the one after which he had named his crossbow—would ever be the only one for him. He had fended off Hawke's early stages of flirting with good humor, and now that he felt something other than platonic love and affection for the woman in his bed, it was _her_ heart that belonged to another. It was a cruel twist of fate indeed, and he had no one to blame but himself.

If he had only been faster…

"I love you too, Minerva," Varric answered in a soft, slightly hoarse voice, and it was because of that love that he uttered his next words—eyes still closed because he knew that if he gazed upon the lovely mage that the words would die in his throat. "Don't give up on elf-boy just yet…he's hurting too."

"What do you mean?" Hawke asked softly.

"Fenris is always looking at you with that sad, puppy-dog expression of his whenever you're not looking," Varric answered. "And whenever he sees some other man…or woman for that matter undressing you with their eyes, he practically snarls at them like the wolf he's named after."

Hawke blinked in surprise and her jaw dropped a little in utter shock. "How have I not seen any of this?"

"Simple…Fenris doesn't want you to," Varric answered. "The man is practically a ghost as it is, how hard do you think it would be for him to keep you from seeing what he doesn't want you to see?"

Hawke lightly chewed her bottom lip in thought. "So…you're saying that I should wait for him?"

_Andraste's great, flaming ass, I can't believe I'm saying this…_ "Yes," Varric said as he opened his eyes and steeled himself against Hawke's lovely face. "Give him some more time to work out whatever demons he's got plaguing him." He slowly let out a sigh. "He really loves you, Minerva…a blind man can see that. He just doesn't realize how much he _needs_ you."

Hawke smiled hopefully up at the dwarf. "Thank you, Varric…that was just the vote of confidence I needed." She propped herself up on her elbows and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to the dwarf's cheek. "What would I do without you?"

Varric smiled and reached out with a hand to gently tuck a strand of hair behind Hawke's ear—his heart fluttering in response to the kiss. "Let's hope we never find out."

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><p><strong>AN:** Yeah, I know...I'm evil ;-p


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